I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
