A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
