A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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