we're blogging at a bar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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