alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
