I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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