oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
