So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
