Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
