I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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