im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
