Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I am morally bankrupt
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
