Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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