I wish my penis had an off switch
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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