Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
