Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
