glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
