I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
