In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
