my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
