Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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