New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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