hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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