So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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