you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
