i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
