so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
