Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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