Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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