she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just high enough for therapy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
