Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
