he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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