Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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