between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
