I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
