I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
