You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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