Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
