My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
