and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How external is "for external use only"?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
