is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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