My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
