her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
