I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
