it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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