You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
