Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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