Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
