Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
