This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this just has baby written all over it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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